One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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