Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just want to make out with him forever
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
