He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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