Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
