the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
