just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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