If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
