just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
