my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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