these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Randomize
