so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You can't just leave with hair like that
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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