After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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