All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
