We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
