Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
