I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
