and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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