so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
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Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
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We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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