ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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