What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
