I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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