Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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