I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
