I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Two words: blizzard sex
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
