she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
My day in three words: secret purse cake
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
