I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
