remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
