She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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