i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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