I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm always down for nudity.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
