Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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