mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
