If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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