I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
one might say we're banned from that church
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
