when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
