matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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