my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Randomize
