Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The power of my boobs compel you
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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