At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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