My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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