either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
