it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
