My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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