The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
