he was CRYING into my vagina
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
