home. puking in laundry basket.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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