btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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