Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
