if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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