i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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