i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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