I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
