dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
