Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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