genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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