I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
