Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
