$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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