I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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