3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
