No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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