we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Pants are for mortals
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
