I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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