She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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