he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
