I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Randomize
