i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
