And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
