This is not my ceiling
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
