A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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