three words: i give head
three words: not that well
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
