Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
