Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
